The topic of manhood seems to be at the center of most conversations these days and I understand why. A society that is losing its masculinity is at risk of invasion by all sorts of things. Men play the gatekeeper role in any given society.
I’ve been seeing an increase of podcasts on the topics of relationships and marriage also, and I have to say, things are not looking too good.
There is also an increase of men attacking women about their unreasonable demands on them.
A lot of these guys are so angry they remind me of myself and how I used to think for so many decades.
First of all, many of us don’t even have a healthy model of what a man is. We were raised by men who were also raised by men that somehow lost touch with that vital identity of a real man. The nature of our philosophy regarding the self has greatly diminished. Men were more instinctual by nature. We trusted our own instincts with almost everything we did. Today we are motivated more by what is happening around us and what everyone else is doing. A man is no longer “ME” but what the world says I should be. It’s like the world became so amazing that it took all the amazing from the individuals. Till today, the concept of amazing has been boxed into a few characteristics that are being sold by everyone that has influence. And we are buying all of it.
Men of today have no idea who they are. We have become consumers to a point of also consuming women. Everything is a product that can be bought, owned and used.
We are like drug addicts that are living in a world filled with all kinds of drugs. And everytime a woman expects to be treated like a woman we become so baffled. We have inherited a serious sense of irresponsibility from our forefathers.
We are no longer soldiers who stand for justice and the protection of those that need it most. We now see women as equals in things that are fully our responsibilities. Men and women are not the same, we have the same value as human beings but our roles and responsibilities are miles apart.
Our brokenness as men has created a gray area in society as far as “whose responsibility is it to make the first move?”
This needs to change though and as a reformed man I believe it is up to us men to make the first move.
Many men argue that the women of today have changed for the worst and I’m here to say they had to because of what became of us. I know this is difficult to hear for most men because of the struggles we face everyday. And I also know that some of our pain as men is also associated with a female or two somewhere in our lives. And the sad truth is that that female was hurt by some guy or two in her life. So most relationships are like a meeting of two people connected by pain.
As a concerned man,I would like to see us men fight through that pain in a constructive way. We already have aggression so let’s fight a noble fight for a change.
I was that guy that had a big gaping mother wound. In fact on some days that wound raises its head and bites my butt. But I’ve learnt to fight again and now use my anger to fight my messed up wiring about manhood instead of letting it out on everyone, especially women.
Us men as a collective are losing the fight against the real bad guys in society because they know that there are only few men that will stand up and fight for important issues.
Most of us men are just trying to survive everyday and doing our best to do what we feel we ought to do.
We get so focused on providing material stuff we forget to also provide emotional and spiritual protection.
This is due to so many things that today’s men are going through. There is no real leadership anymore and most of us are just winging this manhood thing.
Our role models are just as broken as we are emotionally and they have found a way to hide behind achievements. We fall for it everyday because of our natural need to achieve and provide.
Today women feel like they have to lower their standards when it comes to finding a good mate. In fact most of that thinking is encouraged by us men. We have put a cap on what a woman should desire from a man. Every woman has a right to want the best mate regardless of what she thinks of herself.
Women never used to measure their men based on their own self worth. A man was something a woman could have to improve her life in so many ways.
But we men today are so broken we are unable to carry our women’s needs. Nowadays as soon as we see a woman that is needy, that becomes a sign to stay clear of her. The soldier in us has died and my mission is to awaken that fighter.
Once we really see that our women are not safe anymore in society and all because of the people that are supposed to be protecting them in the first place, a seed of change could be planted.
It is broken men that abuse women and because of the magnitude of this brokenness, women have had to adapt and change their thinking, naturally.
Everything that is going on with our women today is a direct result of what has happened to the men of today. Until all men see this clearly, we will forever be shifting blame and this is what leaves our society vulnerable.
As an advocate of manhood and leadership, my mission is to start conversations that are not hostile towards men, but encouraging and supportive and also firm.
There are plenty of good men in society today that are stuck in pain and if we can approach that pain with the utmost respect, we can start something amazing.
I’m not saying this is easy. I know exactly the effort it takes to make the first move, especially when you’re doing it unconditionally. This is a heartfelt call to men to reach into that place hidden deep within us that is so fragile and out of bounds. Our world needs us to go there so desperately. Like I said before, we already have the big ego so let’s use it to push the boundaries of our vulnerabilities. Let’s meet up and braai meat and just talk to one another casually.
It takes meeting up regularly for men to cultivate the energy of teamwork. Once we feel the collective energy, all kinds of ideas start to flow. I’ve seen a small group of men change an entire community. Let’s start with social clubs that have positive intentions towards communities. And the rest will unfold as we go.
People with bad intentions today have free range because they have no resistance. And by resistance I mean societies that are hopeful and thinking differently…